What Not to Do

Hahahahah!

Let this be a lesson about what not to do. Let this be a lesson on how NOT to be funny.

So basically some nobody had the idea to do MST3K esque commentary to bad fan fiction. Lets ignore the fact that this set up of alternating sentences is retarded and tedious — some of it might be funny! Maybe he has an audience! Thats not imortant!

So anyways, I guess when Blazblue came out, natural weeaboo tendencies came out and he decided to play the game and scrub it up with his friends. Thats all well and good, until he read Playing to Win. Now Playing to Win is a nifty article and also book by David Sirlin that basically tells you to stop worrying about cheapness if you want to get good at fighting games. This article was a hot top 5 or 6 years ago, but now it’s pretty much excepted (note, Sirlin did not invent this concept, he just wrote about it).

So this lovely man from Project After decided to try and apply the MST3K treatement to the article. He is taking a well researched and argued essay and pretends he can roll with it. Complete with gems such as…

“As for StarCraft not getting boring, ironically, I used to love playing that before the online scene devolved into Protoss Players Rushing Zealots On Big Game Hunters: The Game. And no one ever wanted to play on a different map or adhere to a five-minute “no rush” policy because those were scrub noob rules.”

Yes, this kid even talks about Star Craft like he knows whats up. “BWAAA I DON’T KNOW HOW TO STOP RUSHES SO I KNOW THIS GAME IS BORING BWAAAA”.

Or, after a passage where David mentioned people wanting to ban hidden characters in MVC1, he responds with…

“Okay okay, fuck. I feel like I’m being berated for a complaint no one ever actually made outside of the twisted world of Sirlin’s imagination.”

… You know, even though THIS HAPPENED ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

Then he bitches about taking games too seriously and not having free time (even though playing to win can apply to all skill levels and also the articles say at different points that being great at videogames isn’t the most important venture ever).

Then he ends with this gem!

“because even though I might suck at any number of popular fighters I wish I could play competitively, at least I’m not as much of a douchebag as David Sirlin.”

Yes, the guy who sits around criticizing fanfiction and whining about people playing too seriously is claiming to be less of a douchebag then someone else.

I mean gosh, at least I know -I’m- a douchebag. Kids, take this as a lesson. Don’t try and act like you know shit about stuff thats outside your sphere of knowledge. You might have some ‘lackeys’ share a laugh with you, but this is the internet. We will see what you said and will laugh -AT- you.

Also don’t be a scrub. If you can’t get behind the fighting game mentality, there are plenty of wonderful other games. And if you need a fake fighting game, play smash. :P

(Oh yeah, did I also mention this was a hot toic -SIX YEARS AGO-?!)

Edit: I just thought about a wonderful way to describe why you shouldn’t be retarded like the person in the above link.

Pick a topic — a topic you are familiar with, and enjoy. Preferably a topic with a community tied to it. A type of game, animu, sport, whatever. If you can’t think of a topic, you fail as a human being. Find a god damned hobby.

Anyway, try and remember a time — a time when someone who knew nothing about this topic tried to speak on it and act like he knew what was up. You know it’s happened. Now try and remember what you did when you read it? Chances are you laughed at him. Perhaps it was ANGRY LAUGHING, but you were probably amazed and atonished about how clueless this person is.

So now cut back to whatever topic you want to write about. YOU ARE THAT PERSON. That is not a position reserved for idiots who aren’t you. EVERYONE can be that guy. So put down the keyboard! Don’t be THAT GUY.

Because we will laugh at you.

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